Recently, I was dispatched to assist our local police department in a death notification. A woman had committed suicide and we had the duty to notify her mother. It is among the most difficult things that a police officer must do. I have done them as a police officer and now I have done a handful as a chaplain. I am always amazed at how different the experience is as a chaplain. It is not better, it is not worse, it is just different.
Today, the officer’s heart was on his sleeve as he interacted with the family. He gently answered their questions, I could tell that in his heart, he wanted to be able to undo what had been done; to remove the grief from this family; to take away their pain. He had all the rapport with the family, and I was of little help except to ask a few questions about arrangements and then to conclude the encounter in prayer. They appeared to be a church going family that had not been able to attend recently due to Covid and the elderly status of the mother. They were comfortable with and even appreciative of my prayer.
“Suicide is not an unforgivable sin and there is the same hope for one who dies as the result of suicide as there is at the death of any of our loved ones.”
There are very few pains that rise to the level of that experienced by those left behind by suicide. So many regrets and so many questions. Among them is the question of hope. Can we hope to see our loved one who has committed suicide again? I am going to be right up front and then explain; suicide is not an unforgivable sin and there is the same hope for one who dies as the result of suicide as there is at the death of any of our loved ones. Jesus is that hope!
“Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him (Joh 13:1-5).”
“Jesus knew that His hour had come.”
Jesus knew that His hour had come. Jesus knew that He was to be the sacrifice that would cleanse the world of sin. And in this moment, he gets up and prepares to wash His disciple’s feet.
“He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me (Joh 13:6-8).”
This was classic Peter. It makes sense. Should you allow the creator of all creation to wash your feet? Probably not… It could be a test. But, Jesus rebukes Peter and there is little surprise here. Peter is probably getting used to this. However, in His rebuke, Jesus connects what is happening now, the washing of feet, to an understanding of what Jesus is going to do soon, wash us all of our sins, and He reassures them that when it is done, they will understand. Furthermore, Jesus leaves out Peter’s feet in the rebuke; “If I do not wash you…” That’s significant.
Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.” For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, “Not all of you are clean (Joh 13:9-11).”
“The cleansing that Jesus was about to accomplish, on the cross, was going to be complete.”
Again, classic Peter. Do not just wash my feet then, wash my hands and my head. But Jesus comment next is what intrigues me; He brings Peter back to the washing of his feet but in the context of a complete wash. “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean (Joh 13:10).” The cleansing that Jesus was about to accomplish, on the cross, was going to be complete. Jesus was going to wash us of all our sins leaving nothing behind. Not one blemish. The moment we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior that cleansing is ours and we are clean!
The problem is that we do not immediately go to be with the Lord. It begs the question, “If the purpose of all creation is our salvation through redemption then why are we to remain here once we are saved?” The answer is that at the moment of our salvation our lives are no longer our own and are no longer about us. They are about those Jesus who Jesus also loves; those who are still dead in their sins. We are left to walk this world in service to those who need Jesus that they might accept His offer of eternal life. What that means is that our feet are going to get dirty.
“There is so much dirt that can get on our feet.”
That dirt could be the discouragement of a loved one who does not accept Jesus. That dirt could be the discouragement of not receiving a well-earned promotion or recognition of our work. The dirt could be the discouragement that comes with the loss of a loved one or the loss of a loved relationship. And in those moments of discouragement when we fall back into whatever sin is most comfortable that dirt sticks to our feet. There is so much dirt that can get on our feet.
To persevere, in order to remain close to God as we ambassador for Him we need to wash our feet and wash the feet of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We confess our sins because He is faithful to forgive them (1Jo 1:9). It is in these moments that we begin to believe the lie that we are not forgiven; that we are somehow not good enough! Adam Clarke comments that, “he who is washed—who is justified through the blood of the Lamb, needeth only to wash his feet—to regulate all his affections and desires; and to get, by faith, his conscience cleansed from any fresh guilt, which he may have contracted since his justification.” The blood of Christ has already cleansed us of yesterday’s sins, today’s sins, and tomorrow’s sins but our own guilty conscience will keep us from a close walk with God; it will keep us from being effective for God. Unless we confess, we keep ourselves from God and when we confess, He is faithful in reminding us that we have been cleansed. Where we go wrong is thinking that our new sin disqualifies us from salvation.
“There is a good chance we could enter heaven with dirty feet.”
If we make that false assumption, then it becomes absolutely necessary that before our death we must confess our very last sin lest we die in transgression. I do not know about you, but I have been close to death and in what could have been the last moment of my life I dropped some foul language that could have bordered on blasphemy. Had that been my last moment would I have died apart from salvation! Absolutely not! Does this give us license to sin with impunity? Absolutely not!
What this means then is that there is a good chance we could enter heaven with dirty feet. Do not get me wrong, none of that dirt will get into heaven but there is a good chance that we could show up at the door to heaven with dirt on our feet. Would God turn us away? Not if at some point we had already repented of all our sins and accepted His free gift.
“What a comfort it will be for them to know that I have gone to be with the Lord no matter the circumstances of my death.”
What does this mean for the hope of those who have lost a loved one to suicide? Bottom line, suicide is not an automatic disqualifier. I did not know the person who died today. I do not know if she had accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. If she had then her salvation is assured. Her disobedience was punished on the cross and her last act of disobedience is no more disqualifying than the rest of the dirt that will fall from her feet as she steps across the threshold of heaven. That is my hope for her and that is my hope for all the deceased I encounter in the course of my duties. Delivering the news that a loved one has died is no easy task. It is made easier with the hope that the deceased person is with the Lord. An act of suicide is a disobedient act just like any other disobedient act. And because Jesus’ work on the cross is sufficient for every disobedient act suicide can not remove the hope of eternal salvation any more than any other act of disobedience.
What I want my law enforcement brethren to know is that when we deliver the message to a family that their loved one has committed suicide, we are not giving them a message of hopelessness. What I want everyone to know who makes it all the way through this message is that apart from Christ there is no hope. Turn to him now. Don’t wait! One day my wife and/or my mother will receive the news that I have passed from this life to the next. What a comfort it will be for them to know that I have gone to be with the Lord no matter the circumstances of my death.
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