“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.”

First Corinthians 2:9

The plane banked slowly over the Hanford nuclear sight as we set course for the Seattle-Tacoma airport.  I had made this trip dozens of times already this year but this one was different.  Several nights before departure my wife had announced that we were pregnant.  Significant because we had been married almost fifteen years and had yet to get pregnant.  We had considered fertility treatments and even adoption but had never pulled the trigger on either option.  In fact, I had resigned myself to the fact that for whatever reason children were just not in the cards.

But that had changed, and I spent this ascent on this otherwise routine trip dreaming about all the things I would get to teach this new little human being.  Would she be a girl, or would he be a boy?  What would her/his interests be?  What would it be like to get to know someone as that someone emerged from no one?  I, to put it plainly, was excited!

I was so excited I stopped at the local jewelry shop on my return trip to look at necklaces.  I found a beautiful three diamond necklace that I thought represented our new family well and purchased it for my wife.  It had been so long since I had purchased a wedding ring, but I imagined the significance of this purchase to be on par.  When I gave it to her it was obvious that we were excited together.

Although my wife was deathly afraid of the delivery process, she had always dreamt of having a little girl.  She would not say it outright out of, I think, fear of disappointment, but for fifteen years of marriage we had stored an assortment of baby and little girl clothing that my wife would fall in love with and had to purchase.  Oh, I hoped our new family member was a girl although I knew it would not matter.  We were anxious to love this new little blessing.

Our ultrasound detected a heartbeat, and we grew more and more in love.  But the midwife looked a little grave.  The hormone numbers didn’t look good and she cautioned us that there was a good chance that this pregnancy was going to terminate.  She told us that these things sometimes happened and that it was God’s way of ending a pregnancy that wasn’t going right.  But we were optimistic, and we were praying believers.  The midwife said that it wasn’t determined but that it didn’t look good.

Several days later we were in the hospital, and I haven’t seen the necklace since.  My wife and I have since welcomed our now two-year-old daughter into this world and yet I still have to interrupt this writing to wipe the tears from my eyes and compose myself to continue…

…it’s not fair.

I was a police officer long enough to meet people who seem to have no problem having kids.  Often not married it seems like they are only in the relationship for days before another child is brought into the world and relationship.  People who have no business having kids seem to be blessed with more kids than they can handle.  And yet, here my wife and I struggled for years and on the brink of hope’s realization it is dashed.

…it’s not fair.

…it’s not fair.

In 2005 I was in Iraq and my roommate was an archeologist by training.  In his off time he would roam around the base poking at things in the dirt and eventually he found several pieces of ancient pottery that he was excited to be able to take home.  It turns out that taking artifacts home from a battlefield is a crime and so he had to give them back to the people of Iraq.  Through a small twist of fate, I ended up on the mission to take those very artifacts to a new museum in Kirkuk.  I got to ride with the Public Affairs (PA) organization as they stopped at a school, visited the government complex, and then dropped off the pottery fragments.

At the school I sat in the HMMWV as the PA didn’t want to many soldiers in the school.  Several kids began loitering on the other side of the fence from the HMMWV and we began an odd mix of fence peek-a-boo and soccer skill demonstrations.  They must have had a half day kindergarten because in the middle of the day parents started to arrive to drop off and pick up children.  There were so many smiles.

Through the interpreter I spoke to several parents, and it struck me that these people want the same things that our people wanted.  They wanted to raise their children in such a way that they could share all the unexpected moments of joy free from the worries of tyranny and warfare.  They wanted to raise their families in peace.

It’s been many years since then and although there have been moments of peace, I wish I could say that in full confidence that these people have had what they desired.

…it’s not fair.

…it’s not fair.

…it’s not fair.

But what does fairness have to do with anything?  As Christians we are called to all things unfair!  Jesus, in His call to love our enemies tells us that God in Heaven, “makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust (Mat 5:45).”  On the day that Adam and Eve chose disobedience over obedience an injustice had been done; and only justice could put it right.  That judgment is coming and make no mistake, all fairness will then be made fair.  “Yes, Lord God the Almighty, true and just are your judgments!”  And every day, that God postponed and postpones that judgment is, while unfair, an act of mercy.”

But what do we tell the mother who has just miscarried?  What do we tell the father who has been given warfare when he would rather be at heath and home?  What do we tell the Christian who suffers in the midst of this merciful unfairness.  The truth… it’s not fair.

Isaiah I think summed it up best.  “Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains might quake at your presence—as when fire kindles brushwood and the fire causes water to boil—to make your name known to your adversaries, and that the nations might tremble at your presence (Isa 64:1-3)!”  Come Lord, that Your creation might be put right.  Come Lord, that the tears might be wiped from our eyes!  Come Lord, that we might know love in its purest form.  Until then, we endure, and we mourn together.

But this is not where it ends.  I mentioned earlier that my wife and I are now raising, as best we can, a two-year-old blessing and terror.  Our hearts are full, and our cup is running over.  God knew and knows the desire of our hearts and He has delivered in a surprising way.  When we miscarried we were told that we were “lucky” to have gotten as far a long in the pregnancy as we did and here we are now more “lucky” than the doctors even through possible.

But hear me Christian…  especially the Christian who is in the midst of the struggle, who is now loudly crying, “it’s not fair!”  Hear, me!  I have always known that it may have not been in God’s will to give me and my wife a child and I can be okay with that.  Because what God wants for us is bigger than all of this!

“From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him (Isa 64:4).”  We must rest in the truth of this statement and its significance.  Paul paraphrases it this way, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him (1Co 2:9).”  What is not fair is that we should be called children of God and inherit all things associated with His kingdom.  It is mercifully unfair!

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Photo by Hillie Chan on Unsplash